The Wal-Mart Blog

In the beginning...

2005-10-16T21:54:00.000-07:00

This blog has remained hidden for so long. But now it's found. Start from Day #1 last September if you'd like. Or just peruse. Please, forgive the spelling. I haven't edited any of these posts from what I originally typed.

Also, somewhere along the way, I stopped using aliases. I should fix that, too.

Additionally, all my posts from March have mysteriously disappeared. Most of February, too. If you see them around, give me a call.

Last Day (270 if you're still counting)

2005-05-27T17:19:00.000-07:00

Today was my last night at Wal-Mart. I really didn't say goodbye to too many people. I told Rebecca I would see her sometime soon. Everyone else I basically just bye to like any ohter night. I didn't want to make a big deal of it at all. That's the way I usually am with these sorts of things.

I feel little but sad, because I will miss these people, if not this job. Maybe I dont have a crush on CSm Tiffany or Katie in electronics anymore, and maybe I never really did. And maybe I will miss Rebecca having her baby. And maybe I will miss Dean have trouble hearing customers. And maybe I will miss Dan trying to be funny and failing. And maybe I will miss Veronica's mischievious smile. And maybe I will miss Brian making fun of literally everyone. And maybe I will miss Margie and her kind words. And maybe I will miss never getting to know Anna better. But it's time to move on.

I'm not sure I accomplished what I set out to do when I started this blog. And I'm not sure I really even care anymore. All I know is that I made some new friends, and wouldn't trade that for the world. Yeah, Wal-Mart is a botch to work for. But these people I work with need jobs and incomes and discounts so that they can support families and pay rent and buy "designer" clothes.

So next time you have a problem with Wal-Mart, don't take it out on the people with the blue, green or red vests. Just ask for a member of management and tear their head off. Or better yet, write a letter to Lee Scott and tell him how dissapointed you are wth they way his compnay treats the heart and soul of its labor force -- those schulbs, like me, who wear those God-awful vests five times a week, for $7.15 an hour, who do their best not to cry every time they clock in.

Or something like that.

We mess things up all the time. It's like our motto or something.

2005-05-26T23:16:00.000-07:00

Apparently Danny in Lanw & Garden gave a customer the wrong weed killer for her garden and she killed $400 worth of plants she bought in two days. Danny's new, and often works lat inthe evening with no one else to help him out, so it's really not his fault. I prefer to blame the lady, because she shopped at Wal-Mart for all her gardening needs.

Sucker.

Miss Veronica

2005-05-24T23:12:00.000-07:00

I didn't tell many people about giving my two weeks notice. Only a few like Rebecca and Margie and a few others. I mentioned it to Veronica tonight and she was kind of sad and maybe a little bit angry at the same time. She's funny, and I really will miss her.

Almost there now.

Old people tell jokes that aren't allowed in America anymore. Cherish them or hate them, they remind us of things we have long thought forgotten.

2005-05-22T23:43:00.000-07:00

Tonight one of the Greeters used the N-word in a jokey kind of way. I won't say who, only this:

Isn't gossip great?

Acting!

2005-05-21T23:01:00.000-07:00

On Saturdays, I see more old scowling ladies than you can shake a stick at.

[And I hear you're a pretty good stick shaker.]

So I smile and pretend they smile back. It's about the only way to get through the day without throttling one of them.

Why am I so violent these days?

Fish sticks anyone?

2005-05-19T16:58:00.000-07:00

People buy too much pre-packaged, frozen food. Cooking doens't take as much time as most people think. Some day, I might refuse someone their Swanson dinner and get fired.

I better get on that right quick.

Sigh

2005-05-17T16:54:00.000-07:00

In my old job, I worked with children in an after school program. I miss that alot these days. This job might have funny stories, and maybe Tiffany is my soulmate, but I never get to read books to kids and talk to them about their day or their parents or crap on the Disney Channel.

Not much longer though.

Lawn & Garden Days

2005-05-15T23:06:00.000-07:00

On some days, instead of working on the Front End, I get to run a register out in the Garden Center. This allows me to hang out in the sun and get my hands dirty with potting soil. We listen to Beatles cds and Smooth Jazz radio. Sometimes Kenny G makes me want to kill people, but then I remind myself I am working outside until 7 or 8 at night. Sometimes in rains, and we get sent in. Other times we stay out there and "forget" to tell the CSMs inside that there aren't any customers out there. The Garedn Center has the nicest and most pleasant associates in the store. We all chat and get along like peanut butter and jelly.

If I didn't get to work out here, I would most likely fall into a deep, deep depression. I love these Garden Center associates and their little part of the store that doesn't feel like working at Wal-Mart. Someday, I think we'll rule the world.

Strange Days

2005-05-14T23:49:00.000-07:00

So today in the Garden Center, there was something of an incident.

Jackthe Greeter was minding his greeting business, when a truck drove past the Garden Cneter, stopped at the sign, and woman dropped out the door. She didn't so much exit and she was pushed and leaped to escape her "friend" driving the truck. She landed on the ground, a little bewildered and very, very topless. That's right, public nudity at Wal-Mart!

Anyway, Jack rushed over and offered her his vest to wear, when the man in the truck got out and pushed her back into the truck and sped away. Jakcj said she was in tears, and didn't seem like she wanted to go. But he wasn't sure what all he was allowed to do. It all sounds kind of funny now, but only because it scares the crap out of me, too.

My job is so weird.

Two Weeks Notice

2005-05-12T23:39:00.000-07:00

I gave my two weeks notice today. Management made little jokes about how they were going to "lose" my notice, and how I couldn't leave. It was flattering, and kind of uncomfortable, because I didn't know what to tell them when they asked what I was doing next. "Oh," I'd say, "I'm going to go work for a grocery store in Chicago that actually offers me affordable and quality health coverage, and startes me out at $8.50 an hour."

But I'm not that mean. At least, not in real life.

Only on the internet.

Oldness

2005-05-08T23:35:00.000-07:00

Today, a customer called our People Greeter Jack a bastard because he told her she couldn't park in the fire lane right otside the Garden Center. She was old, and with her daughter and grandaughter. Not the best example to be setting for the kid I have to say.

Note to self: don't get old.

Whatever you do, don't look under the garbage bins beneath the registers!

2005-05-06T23:29:00.000-07:00

We have two people who clean the store during the day. They mop, sweep, clean spills, wipe up snot and boogers and split orange juice, dust shelves, empty trash, fix minor manitenance problems and tape things that can be fixed with tape. One works during thew day, the other at night. Over night we have a cleaning crew of four or five guys. But during the day, it's just these two. And not every day at that (they've got to have time off!).

Welcome to our Wal-Mart Supercenter, maybe it's not the cleanest, but at least it's not as bad at those ghetto Wal-Marts.

Maybe that's not posted anywhere, but it seems to be the general senitment from our mangement team these days concerning cleanliness.

Go team.

Phone calls to Bentonville

2005-05-03T23:54:00.000-07:00

So I talked to two very nice ladies at the Wal-Mart Home Office today about our abissmal health care. And it went very bad.

First off, let me say this. They were sooooo nice. One was like my mom, the other maybe a few years older than me. They love Wal-Mart and can't beleive the viscious lies that other companies would want to spread about their glorious company. They basically chalk it up to jealousy and move on to other more important matters. Like church potlucks. I oved them and hated them all at the same time. And I couldn't manage to argue with them at all. They beleived every word that came down from on high like it was the Gospel truth. They were so nice I just wanted them to beleive that they had won me over. They had arguments, most of them that followed the jealousy model mentioned above, and the idea that the media always enjoys tearing down the top dog for the simple reason that their the top dog (that's all paraphrased, of course).

I was paralyzed with sadness. I'm niot sure if there's anyone within the company who doesn't trust the compnay 100%. Except maybe the thousands of associates making less than $8 an hour. But apparently, they don't count.

At one point, the younger lady on the phone seemed to criticize certain associates for spending too much money on designer clothes when I asked them how our assocaites were supposed to get by on 8 bucks an hour. I don't know if she's been to my Wal-Mart lately, because it's not exactly Soho or Greenwitch Village where I work. Maybe her idea of deisgner clothes is shopping at Target. But I didn't ask her that. I just felt sorry for her.

There were more abusrd things said, but I'm tto tired to record them all. It's late and I must sleep. Suffice to say, the conversation did not go as planned.

And I'm about ready to get the hell out of here.

Debit Cards

2005-05-01T16:03:00.000-07:00

Recently, customers using their debit card to make purchases have been finding it difficult to use their cards as credit rather than debit. When they swipe their card, they have to go through a little more fuss (rather confusing to some) in order to skip the pin number step and sign for credit instead. Why would Wal-Mart want to make it more difficult for its customers at the check out line you ask? Easy. Debit purchases save them money.

A credit card purchase can cost Wal-Mart as much as $1 for every transaction because banks charge Wal-Mart (and other businesses) for allowing cutomers to use their cards. It sounds a little absurd, but Wal-Mart can't afford to not do it because they know their sales would plummit would they only accept cash or check as valid forms of payment. (Some smaller businesses still won't accept credit cards, or have a minimum purchase amount [say $5] for using your card. They do this because they couldn't afford the bank charges for every 50 cent purchase.)

Debit card purchases, for reasons I can only speculate on, cost much less, somewhere between 25 and 50 cents per transaction. If Wal-Mart can "trick" people into using their cards as debit rather than credit, they can save maybe 50 cents every transaction. Multiply that by thousands of transactions every day in any store, further multiplied by our 5,000 or so stores, and you start saving truck loads of money.

[Why woud bansk charge less for debit transaction? I would venture to guess that some banks want to encourage use of debit cards because they're ab;e to charge hidden fees for using debit cards for transactions just like they would charge a fee for using the debit card at certain ATMs. Maybe there are other reaons, too. I'm not all that bright, but I'm sure you might be able to think of one or two more.]

So next time those debit pin numbers pop up at Wal-Mart, make sure you let them know you want to use your card as credit. It can still be done; it's just takes an extra step or two. Don't get lazy and let us off the hook though. And if at all possible, use your credit card to purchase a candy bar or apple. Any credit card purchase less than 75 cents will make us lose money.

Do your part.

Getting to know Anna. Plus, Lee Scott talks from his ass.

2005-04-30T23:54:00.000-07:00

Another saturday, but this time with conversations.

Anna works in electronics. I gave her a break tonight, and then got to talk with her and Jenny for a few minutes before I went back to the front. Anna likes Death Cab, Wilco and Pedro the Lion. I haven't met someone new with the same interest in music as me since maybe 2003. So this was exciting. Also, she is my age amd not old or cranky. So many things to rejoice about. So little motivation to type about them.

Additionally, before work I researched some awful facts abot Wal-Mart's health care. Maybe later I will put up some links, but probably not. Just do a search for Wal-Mart, health care and Georgia's Peachcare program to get you started. Lee Scott has said sme pretty absurd things about how Wal-Mart can't "compete" with state welfare programs and that perhaps some Wal-Mart associates would be better off turning to the state for care.

Oh such wonderful love we show to each other in Christian charity!

Study lounge

2005-04-29T01:40:00.000-07:00

I had a phone message from someone in the Benefits Dept back at the Wal-Mart Home Office when I got home from work tonight. They mistook my general protest for personal concern over my own health coverage (I have coverage through my old job). I have to call her back Monday. Now to do research. Blech.

Yikes

2005-04-27T01:39:00.000-07:00

I totally love flirting with Tiffany. In other news, I wrote Lee Scott about our horrible health coverage.

Scared

2005-04-26T01:38:00.000-07:00

Veronica seemed awful mad at me tonight. It scared the crap out of me. She scares the crap out of me.

Novelties

2005-04-17T01:43:00.001-07:00

There are these two new cashiers, Lynn and Abby, who are young like me and remind me of college and not old ladies with kids and families and mortages. We shall rule the earth.

Compliments

2005-04-16T01:36:00.000-07:00

Tonight Barb asked me if I was single because she said I'm a nice guy and her daughter is single. I find it so easy to win over older ladies, but women my age? No chance in hell.

Day-O who gives a fuck anymore.

2005-04-11T01:35:00.000-07:00

I've had it with this job.

Day 147

2005-02-03T23:18:00.000-08:00

They put in me electronics all by my lonesome tonight. Also, I felt like making out with someone.

So Vicki was really peppy tonight. And asked me where I'd been the past couple of weeks. So it wasn't just me -- we haven't seen each other much. Which is stupid, because she's one of the five or so CSMs I really like seeing.

Then I had been up front for maybe 45 minutes before I got yanked back to electro. My last customers were a couple of high school girls buying McDonalds with a Wal-Mart shopping card. They were short like three Dollars, so I just let them go without paying the rest. I will be short tonight now, but do not care much.

Stevo was back in electro running the cell-phone desk, but he left at nine. Boredom. Then I almost sold a $1,000 TV, but first I couldn't get our moutning panel off because none of the screwdrivers worked, then the customer's card got declined. Bummer.

So that's that. What? You expect magic every time I write? Go read a book.

Day 143

2005-01-31T23:27:00.000-08:00

To be honest, I don't remember this night at all. Did it really happen? I'm so confused....

Day 142

2005-01-30T22:09:00.000-08:00

It's been six weeks since I last updated this site. I will try to back-post before I forget things. I don't want to make this stuff up. I want it to be real and visceral and only half-pathetic.

Today was the first morning I worked in ages. In at 10:00am. I was exhausted by 3:00. I am such a wuss. It was nice to see the first-shifters again, but I missed my second shift friends. They were getting there just as I left. Oh yeah, and I have a crush on Annie again. I am so pathetic. I should be listening to Dashboard and watching the OC. Maybe someday I will make a Wal-Mart version of the OC. That would be horrendous (but highly watchable, methinks). Peace out, A-town.

Day 140

2005-01-28T22:42:00.000-08:00

Danielle has new hair. It has blonde and red streaks. I forget sometimes that she is a mom. I told her she was too cool to work at Wal-Mart; that she should be working at Target or something. She laughed lots.

Someone left their car in gear out in the lot tonight, and it rolled into traffic while they were in the store. CSM Kurt paged them half a dozen times before they showed up. I guess they didn't think his urgent pages for immediate action were important. I would have keyed their car were I a bastard. Sometimes, I really wish I were one.

Allie and I talked a bit tonight. She's not fairing so hot. I think she knows everyone in the store though. We make really good zoning partners. We can find anything, between the two of us. And we can waste time like it's no one's business. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Day 138

2005-01-26T22:41:00.000-08:00

The effing power went out tonight. I had only been there for like an hour, when poof! Vamoos son of bitch! We checked out everyone in record time on the generator's power. Then stood around for a couple of minutes. Then it was off to the races to save the frozen and refrigerated foods from spoiling. We took the bags of ice from the front and loaded it into carts, where others took it to the grocery section. Afterwards, the cashiers cleaned some and joked around. Some people were dancing. Someone tried to start the Wal-Mart cheer -- the first time I've seen it performed at my store. We didn't get past the squiggly.

They sent me to electronics after a while, to babysit. Me and electronics girl were the only thing standing between thousands of dollars of merch and....other Wal-Mart associates. We were guarding the plasma screen TVs from our peers. Shows how much they trust us.

Sadly, the power came on before our shifts were up. I liked to talking to electronics girl; she's the cat's pajamas. I want to give her mix cds without weirding her out. How to be friends in the workplace is one of life's great mysteries.

So is the popularity of smooth jazz. But that's another post entirely.

Day 136

2005-01-24T22:41:00.000-08:00

I haven't seen CSM Vicki in a while. I like her. She's got spunk. Plus, she smiles like she knows things that no one else does -- real mysterious like. Funny girl.

Day 133

2005-01-21T22:40:00.000-08:00

Oh, did it snow like a bugger tonight! People slip-sliding around with their carts on their way out to their cars. The wind whipping up a hell-fired frenzy. Me helping out Chuck as best I could. The cart pushers couldn't handle more than 4 carts at a time in this snow. When Chuck and I worked together, we could do 8. Teamwork, beeeeeeatches!

Oh man did it snow. Oh man were people huge jerks, leaving carts strewn everywhere. Oh man did I want to murder a few sorry excuses for people. Oh man did I not do a thing except mutter than f-word under my breath. Muttering always helps. Unless it becomes a dialogue with yourself. Then it's time to seek medical help.

Day 132

2005-01-20T22:40:00.000-08:00

Cashier Andy really really really likes video games. It's what we talk about mostly, because we share a fondness for the Final Fantasy series. I try to inform him of Tolkien's influence on RPG gaming. He gaves me FF11 updates. We never talk about real stuff. But maybe someday....

Also, I am a supersweet zoner. Andy is, too. But he came to work tonight on one hour of sleep, because of his gaming habit. He's used up all his sick days, so he'll be fired if he misses again. I worry about him. I'm such a dork.

Day 130

2005-01-18T22:39:00.000-08:00

In conversations with Danielle tonight on break, I learned a couple of things. First, her Christmas was good but real hectic. This is why I'm glad I'm not married with kids yet. I got to spend Christmas day at one house.

And second, our new store manager isn't taking requests from part-timers who want to switch to full-time yet. Danielle asked, and got shot down. And she's got kids to feed. So I don't know how I'll fair. My paychecks have gotten real dismal lately, and my next one will be for just one week (plus my vacation week). Lucky me.

Day 128

2005-01-16T22:34:00.000-08:00

Did I mention we have a new store manager? I haven't met her yet, but she's around.

CSM Amie was kind of excited to see me tonight. She approved of my personal day to hang out with sick friend Becky. I will say it definitively: even though Bill is real funny, and Annie is real cute, and Vicki smiles real great, and CSM Kurt is real weird, Amie is my favorite CSM because she asks real questions and really enjoys being at work, at least as much as one can enjoy working at Wal-Mart. She might be my Wal-Mart mom. I like her lots.

Day 125

2005-01-13T22:34:00.000-08:00

My first day back in forever. People were literally excited to see me. I felt real good. I really like the people I work with. Annie kind of looked like she might have missed me. Vicki gave me one of her weird smiles. Weird customer service girl was kind of worried, and asked me if everything was okay.

It was.

Day 118

2005-01-06T22:33:00.000-08:00

I called for a personal day because I was in Ohio with sick Becky. She might have mono. No one would visit her. We went for mexican and barbeque in the same day. I tried to keep her awake between meals, but failed miserably. We watched About a Boy, the Wedding Singer and the OC. We are big geeks. But with awesome taste in food.

Day 116

2005-01-04T22:33:00.000-08:00

So our store manager is going someplace elsewhere. I don't know where. I don't even know the guy. He seems okay. But who knows?

I have a week off and will travel to far away places in my trusty Saturn starting tomorrow. I have no idea why my next week's schedule consists of one day of work. But I've needed a sabbatical from Wally World, and the timing was perfect. So I didn't complain a bit.

When I get back, we should have a new store manager. And I might be going full time. That sounds like I'm debating to go steady with Wal-Mart or something. In a way it is. Am I ready for this kind of commitment? Can I handle 40 hours a week of this? My bank account says "yes," but my heart says "no." Money is stupid.

Day 115

2005-01-03T22:32:00.000-08:00

First day of 2005 at work! That girl Jennifer that I had orientation with way back in September is still around, too. And still real funny. She's on crack, I think. And fun to talk to. Sometimes, she's real tired, and says tired things. Other times she's real bouncy, and says bouncy things. All in all, she would make the perfect sister. The girl is a peach.

Day 112

2004-12-31T22:28:00.000-08:00

Oh New Year's Eve....at Wal-Mart. I was lucky, I guess. I only worked until 11:00pm. But my night faired so poorly I should have just stayed at my register. New Year's Eve is a weird time to work at Wal-Mart. Most people buy booze and party napkins. Sometimes with shopping cards from Christmas. My favorite is when people use their cards to pay for part of their groceries. Merry Christmas! Here's some frozen corn from grandma.

Go buy something nice, I want to yell. Or at least something selfish. Those are gift cards, dammit! Oh well. I am not the boss of you.

Day 107

2004-12-26T22:24:00.000-08:00

Kind of busy today, with lots of gift card spending. Gift card sales don't show up on Wal-Mart's earnings until the cards are spent, not at the time they are purchased. So weak holiday sales will probably rebound.

Meanwhile, at the customer service desk, they had a hellish day, with half of the town returning gifts. People are so thankful and grateful for what they have been given that it makes me want to weep. Ummm....that was sarcastic, just in case you didn't catch it. Sorry.

Day 104

2004-12-23T22:21:00.000-08:00

Worked in electronics tonight, with electronics girl. SO many people coming in or calling asking about PS2's and XBox's. We sold out days ago. Every Wal-Mart in the region is out. So many lunkerheads waiting until the last minute to buy a big present for their kids. Assholes. I did make almost $10,000 though. People were buying crappy shit like mad.

Day 102

2004-12-21T22:20:00.000-08:00

Quote of the night, courtesy of CSM Bill:

"We're like a well-oiled machine; sometimes it works perfectly; sometimes it just sucks."

Amen, brother.

Day 101

2004-12-20T22:20:00.000-08:00

Early New Year's resolution: quit this job before you die. Or at least before you are consumed by the chaos of retail.

Day 100

2004-12-19T22:17:00.000-08:00

Day 100! And what have we learned so far?

1. People are bastards, when having to wait in line.
2. People are bastards, when being overcharged 14 cents for cabbage.
3. People are bastards, when failing to place their shopping carts in the proper bins.
4. People will buy anything, as long as it's priced to own.
5. We will sell anything, as long as it has nothing to do with Jon Stewart or George Carlin.
6. Our produce really sucks sometimes.
7. Our cd and book selections really suck all the time.
8. Salaried management is unpopular with the "in" crowd.
9. We get paid shit.
10. I work with the most amazing people in the world.

If we did get together, we'd make one kick-ass union. Oops, I just said the U-word. I will be fired soon. It was nice knowing ya'll.

Day 99

2004-12-18T22:17:00.000-08:00

So many cheap plastic toys and ornaments! How do we sell so many cheap plastic toys and ornaments?!?

I saw an MSNBC special on Wal-Mart a few weeks ago, and was informed that the Bratz dolls we sell for circa $15 would cost $60 if the materials and labor came form the USA. So now maybe you understand why Bentonville pushes suppliers to move production to China. Awesomely crappy Bratz doll for $14.89, or the same crappy doll made in Bryan, Ohio for $61.79?

Americans make their voices know with their wallets. We like shipping job to China because we can buy more crap that way. It makes everything cheaper, even if we lose of few (million) lousy jobs. And this isn't just Wal-Mart we're talking about. It's the retail industry in general. We're motherfuckers. Sure you lost your job, but look at all the cheap shit we've got because of your sacrifice. Don't you want to shop here?

And the sad thing is, most people say "YES!"

Day 98

2004-12-17T22:16:00.000-08:00

The beginning of five days in a row for me. Christmas time makes me popular.

I'm real torn about saying "Merry Christmas" to customers. Most cashiers say "Happy Holidays." I don't want to offend anyone, but "Merry Christmas" makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. And because Wal-Mart is Bible-Belt centric, we can say "MC" all we want. So I won't get in trouble or anything. I just don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

But I'm still gonna say "Merry Christmas," because of that old guy at Gelzer's hardware in Hillsdale, who ran the register and used it as a greeting and a goodbye. He was real sweet, and made a stupidly-cynical teenager smile every December. And I want to be him. So Merry Christmas, and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.

And put you effing cart in the bin!

Day 97

2004-12-16T22:15:00.000-08:00

This message popped out of my receipt printer when I logged. Straight from the home office to my very fingertips!

Gift card activations will peak now through Christmas. Gift cards will be the number one gift item for Christmas this year. You can help make Gift cards a huge success this holiday season. Here a few suggestions that will help ensure that our Gift card season will be a success: *Make sure that you have extra quantities of Gift cards at your register. *Be aggressive on suggestive selling of Gift cards: ask the customer if they would like to purchase a Gift card for the "Perfect Gift."

Ha! I laugh in the face of perfect gifts! Real weird. Especially when we're just getting by doing the bare essentials of our job: smile, lift, scan, bag, repeat. Now we're supposed to be chatty and aggressively suggest gift cards in addition to the piles of crap customers are buying. And what the ef does it mean to aggressively suggest anything? Do we use bribery, blackmail, coercive force? To what lengths will we go?

We are dangerous ruffians, pushing gift cards in the faces of our customers, raping, pillaging and burning the countryside in our wake. All for Mr. Sam. Always for Mr. Sam.

Day 94

2004-12-13T23:38:00.000-08:00

I almost got away with a whole night at the cash register tonight. But with 45 minutes left in my shift, they sent me off to zone the Christmas section, which is the absolutely best section in the whole store to zone, so I didn't mind.

Suckers.

Day 93

2004-12-12T23:26:00.000-08:00

Carts again. It was a windy one tonight. Carts blowing everywhere. I heard a couple hit cars, though I never actually saw one happen. There was this big mess of carts in a couple of the handicap spaces where a few, brutish customers had made their own make-shift cart-corral. It was like cart-heaven for the wind, which sent carts flying off in every which way in its demonic quest for dented auto-doors. Listen up customers, take your freaking carts to one of the fenced off corrals or else suffer the consequences. Yeah, it's cold, but I've been out here for an hour-and-a-half. What's your excuse?

Speaking of cold, a few of the greeters have been blocking off one of the two doors at each entrance with carts to keep the wind from blowing in at night. It's cold, and they're old. So I didn't think anything of it. But I found out tonight that it's against fire code (hence, the law) for them to block the exits like that. Yet some of them are still doing it. One of the greeters told me that, so I'm assuming that's something they tell all of them.

So warm fingers come before fire exits I guess. Sounds like the recipe for an awesome disaster. I can't wait.

Day 92

2004-12-11T23:48:00.000-08:00

Pink slip number 4 came today. This one's a personal record: almost 25 bucks short. Since the Cash Office never responded to my request for an explanation of pink slip procedure, my written explanation was, "I don't know." Followed by my corrective action, "Try harder."

Maybe that will get someone's attention. It's a cry for help, motherfuckers!

Day 91

2004-12-10T14:48:00.000-08:00

I still have a crush on CSM Annie. The electronic's girl is a distant memory. Annie, on the other hand, is unbearably cute. Like Amelie, only American and with freckles.

Day 89

2004-12-08T14:40:00.000-08:00

My fellow cashier Mike asked me if I had read this little Rick Warren booklet we have at some the registers. I tried not to puke, but told him I hadn't. He wanted me to read the first paragraph, so I did. I though he was going to say it was awesome. Instead, he just commented, "It's just another Bible."

This isn't a religion blog by any means, but I'd be remiss if I didn't say something. How the heck do we reach the Mike's of the world? He's around 20, works a crappy job, loves video games, and is wary of anything that sounds like the Bible. He isn't looking for the Purpose Driven Life, he just loves playing video games and works so that he can buy more of them. Obviously, this isn't Rick Warren's crowd.

I tried to say something about how Warren's just trying to answer the big questions in life. Who am I? What am I doing here? What's my purpose in life? Mike's response was that he was here to play every video game in existence.

If he's happy, how can I argue with that? Until he experiences some life-shaking event, Jesus really doesn't mean a thing to him, unless he was in a video game.

Note to self: stop pontificating.

Day 86

2004-12-05T14:39:00.000-08:00

I called in sick today, so that I could visit my friends in the city.

I am such a bastard.

Day 84

2004-12-03T23:42:00.000-08:00

I have another Wal-Mart crush, this time on my CSM Annie. Again, not her real name. I'm thinking Annie Hall at the moment.

She is very cool, with freckles and glasses. She has wonderful facial expresses and does weird things with her hands. She likes Star Wars and cute noses. This is really all I know about her. And that she has a boyfriend.

I hate him.

Even though I've never seen him in my life.

Day 81

2004-11-30T23:25:00.000-08:00

There's this lady at work who's always wearing bells. I call her the freaking stupid bell lady, because she is freaking stupid, a lady, and she wear bells.

They're everywhere. On her shoes. On her wrists. On her shirt. On her belt. It's her thing, I guess. You know, what makes her special. Which probably means that without her bells she is boring and bored. I hope that's noy the case, but why else with the bells?

I am such a jerk. But I'm not taking it back. Because she's the freaking stupid bell lady. And someone needs to let her know. But not me. Because not only am I a jerk, I am also a coward.

The end.

Day 80

2004-11-29T23:19:00.000-08:00

I'm thinking of quitting.

What keeps me in this job is two-fold. One, I love the people I work with. They are the best, and they are amazing. It should be noted that I don't know 1/10 of everyone that works here, but those I do know are roger's park, i.e., awesome.

Two, I have huge college loans to pay. And no other means of income.

So I'm casually looking around at the moment. I applied to Borders on Friday after work. And might apply some other places. Wal-Mart is nearer to home than any other place I work, so that's always a plus. But I'd gladly work someplace that's a drive away just to get away from a company that encourages suppliers to make everything in China because the labor is dirt cheap.

In effect, that's what we sell: Sweat, slavery and cheap plastic toys.

Day 77

2004-11-26T19:20:00.000-08:00

So "blitz" day was pretty anti-climatic. I had to be there at 8:00 this morning. By 9:00 it was dead; just another day at Wal-Mart.

The general consensus was that we didn't have the right blitz items to bring the people through our doors. Other stores, like Best Buy or Kohls did. I heard rumors we were getting beat by the other Wal-Marts around us in sales, even those that weren't Super Wal-Marts.

Woe is we, I guess. I got my hours in though; no matter how much I sell, I still get the same 7-odd dollars an hour. I don't get a piece of profit-sharing stock-optioning until I've worked here for a year. Something they might want to reconsider. Cause right now, I couldn't care less about our lackluster sales.

Day 73

2004-11-21T20:45:00.000-08:00

Tonight I got my third pink slip. So much for the joy of a job well done.

p.s. They never responded to my request in writing last time for an explanation of how pink slips work. I might try it again, but I'm not sure I have the energy. Bastards.

p.p.s. Maybe it's time to think of other forms of income, like selling kidneys.

Day 72

2004-11-20T20:41:00.000-08:00

This evening I had my 90 day review. It hasn't been ninety days, in case you were wondering, and I didn't expect this either. But my assistant manager Edith took me aside near the end of my shift, and went over my evaluation. Suffice to say, I was a bit nervous.

But it came out roses. She had nothing but good things to say. I do alot of different jobs, without complaining, and she singled me out for that. This is a quote, that had me smiling: "No tardies, one sick day. I've seen you zoning, cleaning, doing carts....We wish we had a hundred of you."

I got a 45 cent raise to boot! That puts me at $7.15 an hour.

I'm not sure whether to feel like a whore or a saint. What a job!

Day 70

2004-11-18T23:38:00.000-08:00

Another cart pusher quit today. Then it rained. I had the pleasure of doing carts.

Tonight was the first night I let loose anything resembling a complaint about doing carts, and all three CSMs got incredibly defensive. I wasn't critizing them at all; in fact, I didn't criticize anyone. I just used body language and unethusiasm to express how I wasn't enjoying this "other job." I guess they took that as a persoanl attack. I was too sopping wet to care or correct them.

Day 69

2004-11-17T23:49:00.000-08:00

While I was cleaning the registers tonight (it was slow), a customer started verbally attacking another cashier about how much Wal-Mart marks up their merchandise from China and how they're putting people out of business and how they are the devil. Thank God for PBS. You're story's only maybe 10 years too late.

Myself and this other cashier know these things. To be honest, we don't like Wal-Mart very much. But it's our job. They pay us to work, and we do. What that customer didn't realize was twofold. 1) We don't run Wal-Mart. We operate cash machines and get yelled out when we're $10 short after an eight hour day. We push carts when we don't have enough stockmen because they all quit due to low pay and little encouragement. We bag your groceries, because 2) YOU decide to shop here. YOU decide to buy Chinese products, made in sweat shops, that make them cheaper than American made goods. If you really cared enough to shout at us, you would have bought the more expensive cabinets from Souder rather than the cheap foreign-produced piece of trash you had in your cart.

Wal-Mart exists because, like it or not, people want it. We are capitalists, who answer to stockholders, who want money, money, money. And we answer by selling crap from foreign countries who don't have our labor laws. Don't yell at the cashier. Be constructive. Support union products and services. Vote Democrat. Pass around petitions in your local communities. Use your wallet to show your loyalty to your country.

Or be a whore like us and shop at our store. It's your choice, asshole.

Day 68

2004-11-16T23:18:00.000-08:00

I worked in electronics tonight again. One of our co-managers jumped down the throat of a customer. It was interesting to watch.

So this apparently eccentric lady bought an LCD TV from us once before. It didn't work. So she brought it back and was looking for a replacement. She wanted a similar one, but asked if we could hook it up to a feed just to make sure it worked. In co-manager Ed's defense, she was a bitchy kind of eccentric. She treated everyone like trash, mostly because I guess she was pissed that her TV didn't work. (p.s. go shop at Best Buy for TVs people; our prices are cheaper because WE DON'T CARE!)

Ed lost it, interupting and telling her we don't do installment services. It's not Wal-Mart policy. Blah, blah, blah....Big face off. Ed relents, jacks the TV into the Wal-Mart TV feed, and it works perfectly. No one leaves happy. We all need a vacation.

Here's the thing. If myself or anyone else had talked to or treated a customer like that, we would probably be fired. But Ed has his little fun and gets away with it. Yadda, yadda, yadda...some old management sucks story. You've heard (and experienced) it before. No one is immune to it.

Not even at Mr. Sam's Wal-Mart.

Day 64

2004-11-12T23:53:00.000-08:00

I worked in electronics tonight. And I fell in love.

Okay, not really. But I have my first Wal-Mart workplace crush. Her name is Emma (again, not really, because I don't use real names), and she is sarcastic and quiet and the funniest person here. She wears glasses, and I couldn't be more smitten.

I think we even exchanged words once or twice (she doesn't say much). I will win her over. We won't get married; we won't ever see each other outide of work. But we will be friends. Because I need a friend who hates this job as much as I do. And I think she is a kindred spirit in that respect.

Keep you fingers crossed, America.

Day 63

2004-11-11T23:59:00.000-08:00

A funny thing happened at work today. A man refused to pay slaes tax on his free pop.

So this customer, let's call him Gunther, come into my lane with two small food itmes, and two 24 pack cases of pop. He had two coupons, that made each case of pop (valued at $6.00 or so) free for his consumption. I totlaed up the merchandise, then scanned the coupons. The price came up a bit high, and he asked why. I printed off a slip and we noticed there was alot of tax for his two food products. Me, being the college educated genius that I am, realized right away that it charger him the tax for his pop even though it was free. This is usually not pronounced enough for a customer to question (especially when most people we use coupons are famlies who buy $200 worth of groceris). But on such a small pruchase, it stood out.

I patiently explained to him why he had to pay the tax:

Me: You see, even though these coupons made the soda free, we still have to charge you tax because you're still purchasing the pop.

Gunther: No I'm not. It's free.

Me: Alright, I didn't choose my words carefully. The pop appears free, but it's really not. The soda compnay is paying us for you, but you still have to pay the tax.

Gunther: So you're telling me they're not free?

Me: Yes, all you have to pay is the 50 cents or so in tax.

Gunther: I just don't know why I have to pay tax on it when it's free.

Me: But it's not really free. These coupons are like cash. They're tender, like a check. They don't mean you can walk out of here with the pop. You still have to purchase them, you just don't have to pay cash for them. You pay with these coupons.

Gunther: But why can't you just pay the tax? The coupon says it's good for up to $6.50. Just ring it up.

Me: I wouldn't know that deifnitively why I can't do that. I could call a manager. [no response] I suppose it depends on what state you buy your pop in. In Michigan, you'd stil have to pay for deposit. In Montana, you wouldn't have sales tax, so you wouldn't pay anything.

Gunther: But that's a ways to drive.

Me: [half smiling at his lame sarcastic remark] I realize that, but what I mean is that because we live in Colorado [not really] we have a sales tax. And the soda company won't reimburse us for sales tax. So the customer ends up paying for it.

Gunther: I just don't see why I have to pay the tax if they're free.

This went on for a while. He was big, so I was very polite. Two more times I asked him if he'd like to speak with a manager. He said no. We went back and forth. He was a moron. I was the most patient motherfucker on the planet. Cool as a cucumber. He got fed up with his inability to convince me to pay his tax for him and decided he didn't want his two 24 pack cases of pop that were only going to cost him 20-some cents each. He took his food products and left, after holding up my line for six or seven minutes.

Gunther, you cheap bastard. I feel sorry for your family and their pop-free lives.

All in a days work.

Day 61

2004-11-09T23:55:00.000-08:00

Tonight, I got a tip.

I was pushing carts (again), when a CSM asked if I could help a young lady with brand new stitches with her groceries. I obliged, and received $2 for my services. I know I'm not supposed to accept tips as a Wal-Mart employee, but it was so sudden and unexpected that I didn't know what to do! I just slipped it into my pocket and smiled embarrassed like (because I was).

Take that Lee Scott! You're empire is crumbling from within....

Days 55-56

2004-11-04T23:42:00.000-08:00

I do carts now. Carts in the cold.

I'm still a cashier, but for the last two nights, I've been out in the cold after 8 o'clock, because most of the cart pushers have quit. They don't get much encouragement or respect, cleaning up that parking lot rain or shine, all they get is an ass-crack wage and the satisfaction of a job well done. Which really just amounts to an ass-crack wage (1+0 still equals 1).

I can't say I get paid great ($6.70), but starting wage for a cart pusher (or "stockman" as they're euphemistically called round here) is probably hovers around $6.00. It's mostly young guys, who can find better jobs just by walking out there front door and yawning. In other words, we don't offer them much incentive to stay, let alone apply in the first place.

So they make the young male cashier do it at night sometimes. But as far as I'm concerned, it's not a bad job. I get paid for being a cashier, and I get out of the hypocritical world of fake "hellos" and "how ya doings?" I get some time to think and walk around and get paid. The best part is that I don't have a supervisor, which is more like most job I've had. I work best when I know I'm not being watched. When it's up to me and myself to do a good job.

Plus, you get to use the electric cart-stacking thingy, which pushes the carts for you. It's even got a remote control.

Day 53

2004-11-01T23:28:00.000-08:00

For as divided as the country is supposed to be about the election tomorrow, the general consensus among my co-workers is that they can't trust either candidate. What I've heard most is how disgusted they are with all the bickering and bad-mouthing going on between the candidates. It scares some of the them how partisan this country has become. You won't find many fanatics among this group. They just want it to all be over.

Problem is, no matter who's elected, it's not going to be over. There will be losers, and they will not be happy.

Day 51

2004-10-29T23:59:00.000-07:00

Good nights end in disaster. This is my new motto.

Everything was okay until about 11:45pm. Because my shift was 6 hours tonight, I wasn't going to get a break for lunch. Not a big deal, because I ate before I came to work. But there's this rule here that you can't work more than 6 hours without a break. At six hours, your register locks you out, and you aren't allowed to make transactions.

I've gotten these warning before, and left before the lock out happened. Tonight I figured was no different. I started getting warning, but since I clocked in three minutes late tonight (6:03), at 11:45, I thought I had a good 18 minutes. Wrong.

So after I sell this guy a phone card. It locks me out. And I'm on register 11, the tobacco register, the one register that is supposed to never close. Oops. So I holler to my CSM, who runs to get another cashier on the register to take my waiting customers, while I'm also talking to the guy who I just sold the phone card to, because he just tried to use it on his cell, and it won't work.

I take them to the CSM podium (leaving the tobacco register unmanned for 30 seconds, my first big mistake; nothing was taken, but something could have been taken, and that's the point). After the CSM gets someone on 11, he comes back, and I ask him if there's a way to confirm the card was activated. He said no, that it wouldn't have let me sell it if it hadn't properly activated when I scanned it. They went to get another one for an exchange, while my CSM was called away to mix paint for a customer. BTW, who the hell buys paint at 11:58 on a Friday night?

I should have left right then and clocked out, but didn't (my second big mistake of the night). I stayed with the customer, because I didn't want him to think I was passing his problem on to someone else, because that's what you're supposed to do at Wal-Mart, where the Customer is #1.

We go to another register, to do an exchange. But now, the phone card company won't receive our request to deactivate the old card, so the register won't let us refund his money. Now the fun really starts. We page the CSM; he's still mixing paint. We try again, no luck. We page the manager on duty, who shows up and does nothing -- just tells us to try it again. He doesn't even really talk to the customer. (In his defense, we were really short-handed tonight, and it looked like he'd been running around from department to department fixing problems since he got there.)

Miraculously, the card deactivated when we tried it again. But it wouldn't activate the new card he grabbed, so we tried it another couple of times, getting a response on the register that the host wouldn't respond (stupid card company). So we gave the man his money back, and wished him well.

I clocked out 10 minutes after midnight, for a total of 6 hours and 7 minutes. I asked my CSM on the way out if that would raise any red flags. He told me the store could receive a fine for it, and that I should bring it up tomorrow when I got to work. So it looks like I'm in trouble again, because we didn't have the manpower to take care of a customer the way we should have.

Did I mention how much this sucks sometimes? Because if I didn't, I should have. Because it does.

Day 49

2004-10-27T23:59:00.000-07:00

I zoned like crazy tonight. They've turned me into a whore for cleaning. A weak from tomorrow is pay day, so let's clean some more!

Day 47

2004-10-25T23:31:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I worked as the cashier in electronics. And it was good. The best part was, I actually was able to help people! I helped customers find AV cables and video games and phone splitters and printer cartridges and even wives! (Okay, that last one was a lie.)

But it felt good to help people find things, and have conversations hat wen tbeyone "How are you?" and "Have a nice day!" To have the space to talk to co-workers during down time. And to yell at kids who hogged the video game deoms on display. (Another lie, no yelling was done. But I could have yelled a a couple of kids, only I chose not exercise that power).

It was probably my favorite night ever at Wal-Mart. That might have been the most pathetic thing I've ever written.

Day 45

2004-10-23T23:33:00.000-07:00

Short night tonight, but not short enough to stay free of trouble.

It seems that on Thursday night, I (nearly) broke the law. Two fine citizens came through my line, purchasing a variety of products. Two such products were cold medicines. Federal and sate laws prohibit me from selling too much of a certain substance in cold pills to one customer (because it can be used in the making of meth or something). So the register let me know that this customer couldn't purchase it. I told her, then set if off the side. her companion asked if he could purchase it, instead, and according to my training, this was okay. So I rand it up seperately for him afterwards, and poof! Everything seemed okay.

Only they weren't. The head CSM came to me and asked me about the incident today. I let her know that it was two seperate customers, and that they didn't use the same credit card to pay. She understood, but mentioned something about how the security cameras could confirm my story (if they could, why not watch the tape before you talked to me?). then she gave me a little advice: even though what I had done was perfectly legal, if it happened again, I should suggest the cutomer that he purchase the medicine at another registar. Because that wouldn't raise any red flags in the system. In other words, next time you almost break the law, be sneaky about it.

Day 44

2004-10-22T23:17:00.000-07:00

I wore blue jeans to work. And boy that didn't go over well.

First, I have to admit, I know I'm not supposed to wear jeans when I cashier. But I wanted to see what would happen. It took about two hours for a CSM to say something, and me about two seconds to lie, saying that all my other pants were in the wash. Yes, I am a liar, and yes, expect to see me in hell.

Second, the funny thing is, I see at least one casheir a day with jeans on. And I wanted to know if these conversations relly happened. Apparently, they do. They're just done discreetly enough that no one notices. But what I don't understand is, how come people keep wearing blue jeans to work?

My guess is that only certain CSMs have the confidence to confront a cashier about their dress. And if one of those more assertive CSMs is not one, dont expect to be told off.

What a place to work.

Day 43

2004-10-21T23:59:00.000-07:00

So I got my second pink slip today. On Tuesday it seems, I came up $19.72 short at the end of the night. So this whole night I felt stupid and horrible and ready to die.

How does this happen? I have the feeling that I'm off by a few cents every day, so that would explain the $0.72 short. But what about the $19? It's like I handed someone a $20 when I should have given them a $1. I just don't know.

I also don't know how the cash office works. How much under (or over) does it take to get a pink slip? $1? $5? $10? And how often do other cashiers get these slips? Are two in about five weeks time more than the average?

Can you tell how well they've trained me?

Day 41

2004-10-19T23:53:00.000-07:00

Things get left all over Wal-Mart, in places they don't belong. Instead of a general policy of If you see something out of place, put it back for Wal-Mart Associates, we just pile everything behind the Customer Service desk in shopping carts (moderately sorted), which get sent back to their respective departments at night. Sometimes, cashiers have the pleasure of taking certain carts back, and returning the items to their proper resting places. Out of everyone who works at Wal-Mart, cashiers are expected to really know where everything in the store goes (that's why we get paid the big bucks), so this process helps.

If things are slow up front, and most of the returns are done, CSMs will sometimes us around the high-traffic aisles to clean things up or "zone." A few night ago, I zoned the clearance aisle, which has absolutely no rhyme or reason. Tonight, I helped zone the Halloween aisles, which while more logically ordered, were still just as messy. Customers have no respect for property that isn't theirs. It was a near disaster. And this happens every night. I'm turning into one of those teachers who thinks their job would be ideal if there were no students -- except replace students with customers.

If this job doesn't kill me, one of the customers will, in self-defense, as I snap, leaping over some counter to throttle them. It will all happen so fast, and no will understand how it could happen to someone like me. He was such a nice guy. How tragic.

Until then, I'll keep zoning. Which, even though it isn't exactly "fun city," is so less stressful than register. And I will never turn down the chance to do something else besides standing behind that counter, bagging people's groceries, while they watch my every move like birds of prey, waiting for me to mess up in the slightest of ways.

I hate money.

Today's Sales: $3,000

Day 39

2004-10-17T21:47:00.000-07:00

Oh Sunday, my Sunday.

Woke up a little worse for wear, but not throwing up, which was awesome sign number one for the day. 8:30 is early to man a register, but not too early for spying!

The first two hours just kind of dragged. But once you can get past 11:00, all hell breaks loose. Customer after customer, with nothing on their mind but themselves. Ego-centricism, meet Capitalism. You two should have beautiful children.

We must have been short-handed today, because my CSM was manning one of the registers during the rush. Unfortunately for me, that meant that when my lunch break rolled around at noon, there was no one to tell me to go. I figured I could stay on for as long as she was on. But eventually, another CSM showed up, and I casually asked her if I could take a break. I left for lunch at 1:45.

Today, for the first time, I noticed that there are sky-lights in Wal-Mart. Before the rush, I found myself staring around a lot, and noticed the ceiling. It's hard to tell for some reason, because of the way the light filters through, but there is real light in the store. Sometimes. The glass or plastic is so thick that you can't see anything through it, and the fluorescent lights are on throughout the day, drowning out the sunlight, but it's there. Just in a sick, unstylish kind of way.

After lunch was a breeze, because I had less than two hours before I got off. The only news is that I think one of the CSMs my age was kind of flirting with me. It was weird, and I laughed at loud, kind of nervous like, so it weirded her out, too. But even's even. And at the end of the day, I've just managed to make one more girl feel uncomfortable around me.

Mission accomplished.

Today's Sales: $7,000

Day 38

2004-10-16T09:02:00.000-07:00

I threw up last night. Five times. So I'm not going to work.

It was interesting to call in sick, though. At my last job, which was in the non-profit sector, I felt what I was doing was worth it every single day I went in. So I never called in sick. Once. I haven't had a sick day from a job in over two years.

Until today. So I called, and talked to this manager I'm sure I've never met. And he gave me the whole "cold as steel" guilt voice, where's he doesn't ask you a single question, just grunts and ends the conversation with, "We'll let you know."

We'll let you know? What the hell does that mean? Who cares. I'm going back to bed.

Day 37

2004-10-15T23:42:00.000-07:00

Danielle's nephew turned out to be alright. But while talking with her during the slow down at night, I got sent somewhere else, in order to earn my keep. Oh management, how do I love thee?

They had me zone the bargain aisle tonight, and what a mess. It was funny, because the night before I had visited Target after dinner, and noticed just how clean and spacey everything was, only to clean this unmitigated disaster of an aisle where everything was piled atop of everything else.

Now the problem isn't was that the aisle was just an eyesore; it's that we haven't cordoned off enough space for markdowns. This whole problem could be averted if we expanded the aisle to the opposite side -- management would save precious man-hours spent re-organizing every single night if they would just give the area a little more space, so that people wouldn't have to dig to the back of the markdowns in order to find other more covetous markdowns. This is simple ergonomics people. Get on the bus!

Today's Sales: $2,000

Days 33-35

2004-10-13T23:39:00.000-07:00

Three nights in a row. All ending at 11:00, but each starting 15 minutes later than the last one. But night three, I worked only four hours. Daily sales weren't even worth mentioning.

One night, however, I got to talk too Danielle, another cashier my age, between customers, which don't really exist after 10:00pm. She was a little upset, becuase her 5-year-old nephew had gotten hit in the head with a baseball bat by the nieghbor kid. And it was the second time it happened. The first time, when her sister told the dad of the neighbor kid what happened, he replied, "Well, that'll teach him not to get in the way of of a bat."

And this man can vote in an election.

Anyway, her nephew had been taken to the hospital, but not just any hospital, the children's hospital, because of the seriousness what could be a major injury. Danielle didn't know anything about how he was of what was going on, and it was all kind of scary.

It's funny that it takes this for me to finally have a real conversation with someone around here. Don't get me wrong, half the people here are genuinely nice friendly, but no one ever talks about real life. I overheard a conversation yesterday between to co-workes who were bitching about how they wanted a Friends reunion or something. And they were passionate about it.

I hope Danielle's nephew is okay. And that he grows up to work somewhere where people talk about real things, and not about how they'd give anything to see how Chandler and Monica's baby turns out. I hope he never even sees a sitcom in his entire life. And that he personally writes legislation that bans the lugh track from network TV.

This kid has some future.

Day 32

2004-10-10T20:38:00.000-07:00

Spent a good part of the day finishing my CBLs. Will say more when I can remember what happened.

Day 30

2004-10-08T23:09:00.000-07:00

More CBls. Will comment later.

Day 29 - Payday

2004-10-07T15:03:00.000-07:00

$331.51

That was my first paycheck. Remember, I work part-time, which means I can't go over 34 hours a week. Looking ahead at my schedule, I don't even break 30 hours during either of the next two weeks. I'm not sure how much I like that.

I item of note that I had forgotten about. I get paid $1 extra for every hour I work on Sundays. So bully for me that I'm part of the heathen masses. That extra $12.21 sure weighs down my pockets.

I am sooo rich.

Day 27

2004-10-05T23:22:00.000-07:00

Nothing of great importance happened tonight. It was slow, and I took some time to finish more CBLs. This time, "Expanding Your Skills I & II," then Loss Prevention (which, in a rare bit of entertainment, touched upon what to do if taken hostage -- the solution, of course, being to faint!).

So all I've really got is a story.

A woman with her two young children spilled kitty litter all over my station. Most everything goes in bags, except large items and those medium-sized ones with handles (like milk or juice jugs, liquid laundry detergent and some types of pet supplies). The kitty litter was too big for a bag, so I set it on top of my "lazy jane" like I set most other large items (I call that spinning, trundle-type thing that holds the bags and has a triangle area for larger items an top a "lazy jane" for no other reason than that no one knows just what it's called, and spinning trundle-type thing, etc. is just too long to say every time I talk about it).

So anyway, when the customer grabbed it to put in her cart, she grabbed by the cap on top and not by the handle. The cap, apparently, was not secured tightly, and she pulled it off in the process, spilling lemon-fresh kitty litter all around my lazy jane. At first, in order to explain her accident, she blamed it on the rather vague "they," as in: "They didn't screw the cap on tight enough." Okay, so far this isn't much of a story. In fact, it doesn't ever become much of a story. I'm telling it more to make an observation. But we're not there yet.

So I called over for a manager to help me clean it up. As I was scooping the kitty litter into bags while my manager swept it from the floor, the customer again shifted blame to someone other than herself. But this time, instead of blaming it on "they," she blame-shifted to me, saying, "He undid the cap so that it came off when I lifted it." What!?! With my manager standing right there, the customer's telling him that I inexplicably unscrewed the cap, for unknown reasons, in order to make this huge mess at my check-out stand. I discreetly said nothing, implicitly accepting the blame in order to not cause even more of an incident. Which (finally) brings me to my point.

I've seen more hurried, stressed out mothers in the last two weeks than I've seen in my entire life.

It's in no part encouraging; in fact, it's down right depressing. I know parenting, when I finally get around to it, is going to be tough. But I've seen some bad mojo working on moms here at Wal-Mart. Will I snap at my kids like that every time I'm in a check-out line? Will I have to resort to swift smacks to the behind just to get them to calm down for long enough to get back to the car? I know it'll be a bit different because I'll be a father, but still, it's a bit horrifying to watch good parents go bad in a moments of stress-induced weakness.

But there are the calm parents -- like the one who looked tired beyond belief, her kids sitting it the cart singing excerpts from the Wizard of Oz, who humored her kids even though they were being a bit bratty (but in a cute way, because of her gentle response). There are times like that when I realize that things won't necessarily be as bad as they could be. It just takes heaps of patience, and kids who sing, rather than kids who are crankily crying or throwing fits because their mom won't buy them the Kit-Kat next just inches away from their cart. Which makes me think, as a company, we're not doing much to help buy stacking chocolate-covered sugar right next to the registers.

Just another thing to file into the "Needs to be Changed When You're Able to Blackmail the CEO" bin in the back of my mind.

And on a final note. I've been asked in the comments section how much I make, which I'm surprised that it took me this long to finally think of posting. For the record, I make $6.70 an hour. I'm part time, because of school, so I can't work any more than 34 hours a week (but I'm not even guaranteed that many hours every week). I get my first paycheck on Thursday, and I fully intend to let ya'll know what I get.

I bet you can hardly wait.

Today's Sales: $4,000

Day 25

2004-10-03T22:05:00.000-07:00

Sunday is such an interesting day. You get to see this wonderful mix of gussied up church-going folk, and their evil, atheist counterparts, spending their second Saturday in sweat pants and ratty, Packers t-shirts.

So they had me run the express lane today, which was a complete and utter disaster. First, I charged one customer too much for her cucumber and artichokes. Then, when a customer brought a mattress to the register, I went around to scan it with the gun. Sometimes those little UPC bars can be tricky little bastards, and you have to scan them multiple times before beep at the register. Only thing is, the register on the express lane beeps a little different, and I couldn't hear it on the other side. So I ran up the thing 18 times. My manager had to come around and correct it (after she had already corrected the overweighing of the vegetables incident).

That was the worse of the day, but I also gave her 25 dollars for a roll of quarters (thinking I had grabbed two fives from my drawer, proving that my till was out of order, a Wal-Mart no-no). And I ran out of receipt paper, which wasn't a real big deal, but I'm supposed to catch it before it happens (so as not to keep the cuctomer waiting). And then I put it in the wrong way, because they didn't bother to show me how. So another manager had to come over and fix it, because it was just spitting out blank paper.

All in all, it pretty much sucked.

Today's Sales: $15,000

Day 24

2004-10-02T23:22:00.000-07:00

This place has no windows. It's been in the back of my head this whole time, stratching my skull like a bad itch, but I haven't been able to lay a finger on it until today. This place has no natural lighting. There are two main entrance ways, both with glass doors. But away from those, one has absolutely no idea what is going on in the outside world. It was raining last night, and I had absolutely no idea from the register. For 8 hours, you can't enjoy the sunshine or the rain or the cloudcover or anything. This should make people angry shouldn't it? Not seeing the light of day?

Shouldn't it?

Today's Sales: $13,000

Day 23

2004-10-01T21:43:00.000-07:00

A conversation, heard tonight.

Customer 1: I would shop more often at Wal-Mart, but we just don't have one near Brook Meadows.

Customer 2: That's why it's ben so great since this one came in. I don't have to drive all the way to Cedar Springs.

Customer 1: You know, Joe doesn't like it when I shop at Wal-Mart, because they don't unionize their workers. But I still shop at one whenever I can.

Customer 2: I know, it's just too hard to pass up.

Sam Walton was very much opposed to unions, as we've already discussed. But I think it's sad that people who are pro-union turn a blind eye when the shop at anti-union establishments. it's on ething if you don't care for unions, and want to support Wal-mart because they don't either. But it's another thing when you support unions, but lend your business to places that oppose what you believe.

Americans, either implicitly or explicitely, support Wal-Mart, and everything Wal-Mart is, by shopping there. If you've chosen not to shop at Wal-Mart or Sam's Club, I can honor that, even if I don't completey agree with you. But if you support Wal-Mart by shopping there, whether it's because you can buy grocieries and socks at the same place, or because it's open at 1:30am on a Saturday morning, it's hypocritical to pretend that you have something against Wal-Mart.

Let me repeat that just to make it clear: If you shop at Wal-Mart, you have no basis for criticizing said institution.

Unless, of course, you work there. Which makes you not only part of the problem, but also part of the solution.

If I can stand it that long.

Today's Sales: I honestly can't remember.

Day 21

2004-09-29T23:44:00.000-07:00

I got my first pink slip today. Which, in Wal-Mrt culture, doesn't mean you're fired, it means you messed up. Last Sunday, the business office figured that I came up $9.89 short for the day, meaning that my bag had $9.89 less than what my receipts said it should have had in it. Somewhere along the way, I must have either given back someone too much change, or been short-changed by someone when they paid. I really don't know. $17,000 changed hands that day, so it's a little hard to say.

On the slip, I had to fill out why I thought it happened, and what actions I was going to take to correct the problem in the future. I basically wrote, "I don't know," and "Try harder," but with bigger words and a superior tone. In other words, I acted like I was writing a graduate level lit paper. But I didn't know what to say. Getting the stupid slip, in an enevelope with my name on it at the beginning of my shift, ruined my whole night. I had no idea what went wrong, let alone when it went wrong. And then there was the fact that it was a godamned memo. I hate memos. Someone should have taken a few minutes with me, explained what had happened, and what the normal course of action is when these things happen. For instance, I have no idea how many pink slips it takes before you get disciplined. I have no idea how much difference between the receipts and total in the bag that it takes in order for a pink slip to be issued. I didn't even know what a fucking pink slip was until tonight. No one ever bothered explaining any of this to me.

I'm really down on this job right now, and how my lack of training is paying off in spades. Tonight was the first night since my training days that I took CBLs on the cmputer, too ("Risk Control" & "Workplace Violence Prevention - Hourly"). According to my orientation materials, I was supposed to be issued a sponsor for my training period and a cashier's handbook that basically tells me everything I need to know. Instead, I get no one, and most of my training has been on the computer or with fellow cashiers, who have never been trained to train in the first place.

Wal-Mart, you've got some explaining to do.

Today's Sales: $6,000

Day 18

2004-09-26T20:35:00.000-07:00

I have discovered the joys of caffeine and sugar. And I have seen that they are good.

Since Friday sucked so badly, I tired working out a system to get me through the day with a little more pep, even if the customers try to make my life a living hell.

When I work an 8 hour shift, it's actually 9 hours long. I work for about two hours, then get a break on the clock. Then back for two more hours, floowed by an hour long lunch off the clock. Back on for two more hours, then another break. Then finish up my shift in about an hour and a half. During break number one I make sure I get sugar -- glucose, fructose, whatever. Fruit snacks work best. During lunch, I make sure I drink some caffeine -- not pop mind you, but double-shot esspressos -- followed by some fruit to take away that awful coffee breath (apples work wonders). During my last break, I finally get candy. My personal favorite is a snickers bars, becuase it's got protein, too. That's makes it sound healthy when it's really not. But it got my through the day with a smile, even though it wasn't too different from Friday.

In fact, it was probably worse. From 11:00-6:00, we had a solid line of customers coming through. I will never do my shopping on a weekend afternoon again, in hopes of giving those who work in retail a sense of equilibrium during other hours. It's the absolutely worse time of the week to shop (unless you're grocery shopping on weeknight between roughly 4-6, which is also a madhouse of epic proportions). After "dinner" is my favorite time, because customers are a little more mellow, and more willing to chat, rather than "How are you doing?" small-talk BS.

Did you catch the fact that I hate small-talk? Maybe this wasn't the right position for me within the Wal-Mart organization....

Today's Sales: $17,000

Day 17

2004-09-25T23:59:00.000-07:00

Slowday today. Yesterday just seemed crazy busy, but today was different. It probably helped that instead of working 10-7pm, I did 4:30pm-1:30am. Which means this day went well into Sunday.

After the rush, most of the night was spent talking to other cashiers and "zoning." Zoning is the Wal-Mart term for making sure everything n your little aisle is straight and in order, making sure there are no items that don't belong. Those little items right before the register get picked up thenput down n the wrong place, and ots of times, customers will leave something they picked up in while in the store on top of the bubble gum or under the beef jerky because they decided they didn't want it. It's just a little window into what makes our compnay work.

Incidentally, I learned that those little items right before the register are called "impulse buys" today. meaning, you pick them up without giving a thought to whether or not you really need and/or want it, dropping it into your cart becuase you're just about to check out. I'm guessing we make loads off of them. Those Wal-Mart execs are tricky little bastards.

As a change of pace, they used me as a people greeter today, while the real greeter went on her lunch break. So I got to great for an hour, which was fun, but I can't imagine how boring it must be to do it for an entire 8 hours. I think I'd go crazy and cuss at someone just to make things interesting. So that's why I'm not a people greeter.

Good thing.

Today's Sales: $8,000

Day 16

2004-09-24T22:22:00.000-07:00

My first day with an 8 hour shift. And it sucked. Hard.

My first mistake was not eating anything that day until my lunch break (at about 2:00 in the afternoon). So I felt sluggish for most the day. My second mistake was not preparing for how boring 8 hours of this would be, and the 4-6pm portion of my shift was going to be utter and disasterous chaos, punctuated by nothing more than frowning, tired customer after frowning, tired customer. I will never, ever, never, fail to respond to a simple hello from a retail employee just because I'm not in the mood. Sometimes, that little response is what kept me going. I'm a sociable person, and when people won't even acknowledge your existance (unless it's to berate your performance as a cashier) has got to be one of the most demeaning experieces on the planet. You want to make someone feel worthless, just let them check your groceries without making eye contact.

I've learned more about people today that I probably could have with a four-year degree in psychology. You won't see many cashier's who believe in the basic goodness of humanity. No sir, we're all about total depravity here at Wal-Mart.

But you won't find that on the website.

Today's Sales: $16,000

Day 15

2004-09-23T23:27:00.000-07:00

Today was my first day all on my own. Well, kind of. I had to keep calling over a CSM to help me out on certain things, so I wasn't really on my own. Only when things were going okay, which surprisingly was most of the time. As a reward (though I go the feeling that most cashiers hate doing this), they let me out of the store to help the guys gather carts for the last hour or so.

There are so many stinkin' CSMs that it's impossible to develop any kind of boss-emplyee relationship. The ones at the beginning of your shift are different from the ones at the end of your shift, there are different ones almost every day, and they all have very different personalities, so you never know how they're going to respond when you need help. Some swoop in, ready to lend a helping hand when needed. Some are reluntant to leave their little alcove, and saunter over, hoping you figure things out before they get there. Still others have a but of a superier air, and are glad to help, ifg only to prove how much they know about everything in the world to both the cashier in need and the customer who is waiting.

I kind of hate those last ones most. I was hoping that by working at Wal-Mart, I could get away from superior-types. But what I've quickly discovered is that you don't have to like art house films and the Talking Heads to be an elitist. You can also know how to run a cash register better than anyone else.

Is this absurd? Because I have a distinct feeling that it is, and that I'm not the only one feels this way. But maybe I'm imagining things.

Today's Sales: $6,000

Days 12-13

2004-09-21T23:52:00.000-07:00

I won't usually lump days together like this, but since not much was different between the two, I figured I could cheat this once.

Monday was my first real day. I got there early, and headed to the front of the store, where I met a CSM (Customer Service Manager) who assigned me to watch other cashiers do their jobs. That first day was four hours of watching, followed by an hour of CBLs on the computer ("Bloodborne Pathogens"; "Hazard Communications" (announcement codes for natural disasters, bomb threats, kidnappings, etc. that might come over the loud speakers), "Personal Protect Equipment"; and "Becoming a Cashier." Lots of short movies to watch, lots of fake inicidents to learn from, lots of ways to get Hepititus.

Tuesday was a longer shift (7 hours), so I watched for a while, took some CBLs ("Learning the Essentials I"; "Learning the Essentials II"; "Electronic Article Surveillance" ('where we spy on products, not people'); and "Customer Safety."

Near the end of the day, "Chattty Kathy" (one of the cashiers) let me use her register for a few minutes while she critiqued me. It was so incredibly nerve wracking, but I loved it! After my lunch break, I asked for my own register, and finished the last hour on my own. One of the ladies I trained with the night before was surprised they let me go solo that quickly. I'm not sure I was ready; mostly I was just bored with watching, and thought, "What the heck. Let's try it out."

And nothing blew up. So that's got to count for something, right?

Day 11

2004-09-19T16:41:00.000-07:00

This morning was orientation. And oh the things they've taught me. And about how most of it was worthless.

Grace ran the show today. The only other newbie with me was Jennifer, a girl about my age. We filled out some tax forms, got our two copies of identification copied, and watched a few videos about Wal-Mart. The first was a short history, completely redundant if you've read Sam Walton: Made In America (but with moving pictures). The second was about the associate program -- what it means to Wal-Mart, how associates are the backbone of the program, why Wal-Mart is not anti-union but pro-associate (in a nice bit of 1984 theatrics that would have made Orwelle proud). Yadda, yadda, yadda.

We also found out that most of our oreintation will be taken in short lessons on computer terminals. These lessons are caled CBLs, which, apparently, don't stand for anything. Grace had us take the first two lessons, "Tobacco Compliance" and "The 3 Basic Beliefs." Each lesson has a small quiz that must be passed in order to advance. The tobacco lesson was the basics of not allowing minors to by tobacco, and had to be passed with a 100% (all other lessons only need an 80% in order to pass, which seems to imply that the lesson on "Bloodborne Pathogens" isn't as important as letting 17 year-olds purchase tobacco).

The 3 beliefs lesson briefly explained Wal-Mart's general business philosophy. the beliefs are, as follows: 1) Respect for the individual; 2) Service to customers; and 3) Striving for excellence. And that's that. Number 1 focuses on servant leadership. Number 2 on making the store a place customers want to shop at. Number 3 on always trying make things better, being open to change even if things seem to be going fine. Sam had a list of ten rules, that really fleshed out how his 3 Basic Beliefs could be applied in the life of a Wal-Mart employee (and can be found in ch. 17 of his book), but it was his 3 Beliefs that established the parameters for all of his business decisions.

And that was that. It took maybe three and a half hours, then we were out. Now I really work for Wal-Mart. I've been on the pay roll since 9am this morning. So far, so good.

Day Seven

2004-09-16T23:16:00.000-07:00

So I got the job. You're looking at the newest cashier for Wal-Mart. Yes, that's going to be me in the sharp blue vest, bagging groceries and counting change.

And here's what was weird: I called the personel office, talked to Grace, and never heard those magic words. Here's the conversation:

Grace: Hello?
Me: Hi, this is ------, I interviewed a couple of days ago and was wondering if the results of my drug test were back.
Grace: Let me check (silence for a few moments)......Yes, here they are. So we have an orientation schedlued for Sudnay, would you be able to make it to that?
Me: (fumbling, because I didn't expect the jump from A to D) Ummm....this sunday?
Grace: Yes, this Sunday. Will that work?
Me: (still fumbling, and a little over the top enthusiastic) Yeah, umm....that'll be perfect.
Grace: Good, be here at ten and bring two forms of ID.
Me: Okay....
Grace: Bye.
Me: Um...okay, bye.
(end of call)

So, you might be wondering when I was hired. So am I. No, "You passed!" or "You're hired!" or "Welcome to the team!" I'm more than a little dissapointed. They couldn't even ask me if I wanted to accept their offer, because no freaking offer was made! It was all too anti-climatic.

I feel a little jipped. Plus, I work for Wal-Mart.

This is not the best way for them to start our relationship.

Day Six

2004-09-15T18:07:00.000-07:00

No word yet on the old drug test (or is it a tox screen?). I called to find out the results a little after 4:00, and the personel office had already left for the day! Bunch of lazy, no good....

So tomorrow. Tomorrow I know if they want me or not. Mostly, I think they will. But then I think, maybe I didn't give the right further comments during my interview to my responses on the aptitude test. Or maybe I will somehow fail the drug test because I ate some weird mushroom (on accident, because I generally loathe mushrooms) and will not be hired, having to wait one year before I can even apply again (official Wal-Mart policy; if I had failed to be tested at the facility 24 hours after my interview, I would have had to wait for a year as well). All this is way too weird. Do I really want to work for Wal-Mart?

Oh God, I'm going to hate this job.

Day Five

2004-09-14T19:10:00.000-07:00

So cashier. Yeaaaaahhhhh......

I dressed up. Wore a collar (but with shorts). The first part of my interview was with Grace. She's the personnel person at Wal-Mart. Most of that interview was going over the basics of the job. And telling me that I was going to interview for cashier. Period. Because that's what they need. We also talked about some of the jobs I've had, and what I could bring to the Wal-Mart or some other jibber-jabber. I couldn't figure her out.

Grace is in her 50s maybe, with graying hair, and no desire to connect with the people she interviews. It was all business. Not that she wasn't nice. She was very, very polite. But she almost seemed to be annoyed that I was calling her Grace, and not by her last name (which I don't know, because Wal-Mart name tags don't give that information), or maybe Madam Grace. I couldn't win her over. I was just another part time punk.

The second phase of my interview was with Claire. Claire was incredible. She is one of the assistant managers at the store. She is a mom and a wife, and radiates it. I think she may be the greatest mom at any Wal-Mart ever. Her portion of the interview went over the strengths and weaknesses portion of your typical interview. Also, why the interviewee would like to work at Wal-Mart. We talked about Montana and the kids I used to work with. She seemed to connect with me as soon as we started talking about Montana. Out of f the blue, she started talking about her dream of moving out there and being a cowgirl, with that far away wanderlust look that Tolkien and Jules Verne only wrote about. She started talking about roads not taken, and giving that up when she got married. It was sad and brave and something else all at the same time. And then I was shipped of to Rick.

Rick is one of two co-managers at the store. We went over getting paid (and how much), responsibilities (like don't come to work drunk), and some other things where he was trying to act the par of the hard-ass, but it really wasn't in him. I'm sure he could fire people if he had to and all, but he just seemed to stretch his own character a little, in order to give me a "realistic" view of what the job would entail, like, "You've heard the women folk talk, now here's what the man has to say." I had to stop myself from laughing a couple of times. He would make a good basketball coach, I think.

Then I had to drive to another part of town to get my urine tested for drugs. By the time that was over, the whole process had taken about two-and-a-half hours. And unless I ate poppy seeds and something crazy like that without realizing it, I think I have this job. I'm the shit. No really, I am.

Day Four

2004-09-13T23:51:00.000-07:00

I got the call today. And I go in for an interview tomorrow morning at 10:15. And I have no idea what to expect. I really hope I get a job in the home entertainment section, with the cds and tvs and home stereo equipment. I do not want to be a cashier. Please not cashier. Anything but cashier. Anything.

Day Two

2004-09-11T23:37:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday, so I don't expect to hear back from Wal-Mart today. I have been reading up on them -- Sam Walton's little autobiography, Made In American. He was a really down to earth guy, who really believed that giving people the lowest price possible was the right thing to do, even if other businesses went under. It was a nearly a moral issue for him, intertwined with his near fanatic faith in the capitalist system. Sure, he's had his share of failures, so he knows what it's like to be close a business, but he learned from them, and in the end, those failures have made Wal-Mart the colossus it is today.

To be fair, Walton died in the early 90s, right before the boom. Today, Wal-Mart is as recognized on a national level as McDonalds and the New York Yankees, but at his death, Walton's discount stores were still a regional affair, mostly known throughout the Midwest and South. There are other books that discuss the post-Walton years, and we'll get to those later. I'll discuss the book a bit more in depth anoter time, just to give you an inkling of where Walton was coming from. But for now, let's just hope I can get hired! This weekend seems like it might never end...

Day One

2004-09-10T23:21:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this because a friend of mine said I should. I think when he said it though, he meant for me to write it down with pencil and paper. But i forgot how to use those years ago.

Today, I walked into Wal-Mart and applied for a job. I was a little nervous, because I haven't applied for many jobs thus far in my short life. But the lady at the Customer Service was nice, and when I asked her where they were hiring, she told me "everywhere!" Which was a good sign, I think.

They don't have you fill anything out (lucky for me), instead, I sat down at a touch-screen kiosk and typed all the important stuff. References, previous employers, work experience....But then they had this sort of aptitude test, where I answered certain questions about my views on management/employee relationships, past work problems, and a bunch of ethical questions about workplace theft and drug use. Not if I had been involved in these sorts of things, but hypothetical questions about how I (or sometimes management) would/should react if employees were stealing, or if someone came to work "just a little bit high" (their wording). It was weird. I'm guessing maybe they've had problems with this in the past, and they try to root out potential "bad seeds" before the interview process?

So I tried to answer the questions with a mix of honesty and reservation for what answers they might be looking for. Which brings me to the why of this whole thing. And I don't have a specific answer. I want to work at Wal-Mart. I want to understand this culture that's talked about so much. I want to find out why so many people hate them. Why they're so anti-union, why they don't seem to have much of a problem with importing products from countries with less than reputable labor practices, and why they're so intent on taking over the world with lower prices and satisfaction guaranteed.

Oh, and I'm weird. Until today, I thought for sure I'd get hired. But after that aptitude/ethics test, I wonder if I'm not Wal-Mart material. Then again, they really need help. So cross your fingers and hold on to your hats. Cause here goes nothin'.